I’m not a particularly fun person. I don’t generally like silliness. The only time I can recall being really silly (stupid, more like it!) was when I drank alcohol but I haven’t touched booze for almost 12 years and it has taken me quite a while to learn to have “fun” again. I love a laugh and a funny film but generally the humor I’m attracted to is dark & offbeat.
My nana gave me a photo album last week full of photos from my childhood. Here I am at age four in 1980 wearing a Groucho Marx disguise. I think it was from my uncle who had just returned from a trip to the US. The photo made me smile.
On my 22nd birthday I chose to go and see Saving Private Ryan. On my 28th birthday my hubby and I went on a film-fest day and watched Saw and Metallica: Some Kind of Monster. I always choose drama and horror over fun. I love documentaries. I read true crime. I live and breathe news. Sometimes I have to really practise having fun with my kids but the intense love and enjoyment I get when I see them laugh and play is something I am very grateful for.
I do value a good sense of humour though and I think I have one. I also have a partner who, I think, is very funny. It’s a dark and dry sort of humour but we do have a laugh. But when it comes to letting go and really having unbridled fun I struggle. I dance for a while but prefer to sit and talk and watch. I am rubbish at karaoke. I did a salsa lesson once as part of a hens’ night and I couldn’t get into it.
A 2010 University of Cincinnati study found that pleasurable activity actually reduced stress by inhibiting anxiety responses in the brain. Life coach Martha Beck (a favourite of Oprah Winfrey) says “total funlessness” is as serious as a heart attack. Beck talks a lot about faux fun versus real fun. For me I got the two confused and for a good number of years I thought “fun” was only to be had through getting hammered, chain-smoking and partying. I lived to get out of my head and alter my reality.
Funny thing is, I didn’t have that much “fun”.
I’m finding now (and it has taken a lot of years of practice) that I am trying to be in the moment and enjoy what I am doing. I am a projector (not the film variety) and get caught up in what I “have” to do, even when it is days, weeks away.
So my fun homework is to discover more about what real fun in my life is. I think a bit of silliness would be good too.
My kids are going to be my “life coaches” (I struggle with the concept at times but think it’s good that people strive to improve themselves). They seem to have a riot from the simplest things like running around the lounge room or sitting in the dirt digging holes.
By nature I’m mostly serious – interested by ideas and getting to know people or discussing issues, etc. But I have a cheeky / silly side that sometimes comes to the fore.
A few weeks ago Jag was working a rare late shift, so it was just the kids and I. At the dinner table I got their attention and then did a massive burp (which is not even in my normal ‘silly’ repertoire, but, hey, they’re kids). They, of course, thought it was hilarious. Much silliness ensued, mostly with me getting covered in raspberry kisses. We kept carrying on and being goofballs right up until bedtime. It was one of the best nights EVER. Mostly because I had a ball watching how much they were having a ball.
So, yay for silliness and fun. I hope you have lots more of both!
You must, must, must read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Happiness-Project-Gretchen-Rubin/9780062105240)
It’s next on my list to review but basically it’s a book about putting more happiness and fun into your life.
I consider myself happy and able to have fun but after reading this book, I changed lots of things and boy, were they good changes. I’m not a ‘self-help’ book junkie – in fact, this is one of the few I’ve read but I really got a lot from it.
One of the most interesting things that Rubin delves into is what “is REALLY fun for you”. She says to avoid things that other people deem fun and get to the bottom of how you like to spend your free time. Obviously you like true crime Emily – not my idea of fun, but that’s Rubin’s point! She also says that often what people liked doing when they were about ten years of age is the same as their ‘best fun’ as an adult – so true for me! As a ten year old my world was filled with swimming, reading and writing. Not much has changed although I don’t swim as much as I’d like (hence making more of an effort to get to the pool and increasing the fun in my life).
Read this book slowly and try some of Rubin’s suggestions gradually. I’ll fast-track my book review so that I can share more details.
I wish you well on your quest (maybe a bit of monty python will help)
Your ‘natural’ self is something the world needs too though, people with the ability to sit and watch and listen, they are the ones who see further.
You are too well established in that to lose it, so seeing the sunshine instead of looking at projections will be a worthy excercise in rounding out your character to a more healthy level